Haven't updated in a while (shame on me). Last Friday (17th) i finally saw a medical doctor who has experience with transgendered people. It was so comforting to finally find someone who has experience with my condition. Funny part is that he thought i was taking too much estrogen and now he told me we needed to double the amount per week. So instead of 10mg i'm taking 20mg per week. Insurance covered everything necessary except the estrogen, which 10 weeks worth came out to be $250 because they didn't have the generic version, ouch. My credit card bill is going to be rediculous this month *sighs*.
Most of my facial hair has fallen out! YAY!! I have a few ugly patches that need to be zapped that were missed. I hope when I go to Hawaii, they will all be gone, until the other hairs grow in.
I have a few more things i need to say, but i'll update later.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Family
I don't know what to think about them right now. I guess I have to live my life and they have to live theirs. I know I am doing the right thing, but each member is having difficulties accepting it.
The interesting thing, is that I am very good at evaluating people, or at least understanding their strengths and weaknesses. I am not good at understanding their values so it has been interesting at the different reactions from people I have told.
I hope with all my being that my close family is not ashamed of me. This path is not a want nor a desire. This is me.
The interesting thing, is that I am very good at evaluating people, or at least understanding their strengths and weaknesses. I am not good at understanding their values so it has been interesting at the different reactions from people I have told.
I hope with all my being that my close family is not ashamed of me. This path is not a want nor a desire. This is me.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Desperation
I have fallen into desperation mode to get what i need in my life. I have done all i can through my insurance and it has gotten me more and more roadblocks. The only positive part is that i can use all of these doctors as references for the insurance company.
Since i was desperate, I will be going outside my insurance and i will be paying a doctor in chicago to get the meds i need. I do not know what he is like, but his name was given to me "through the grapevine."
I hope this does not haunt me in the future.
Since i was desperate, I will be going outside my insurance and i will be paying a doctor in chicago to get the meds i need. I do not know what he is like, but his name was given to me "through the grapevine."
I hope this does not haunt me in the future.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Laser Hair Removal
I'm going to start labelling my blogs based upon things i want to discuss since it is silly do post days as the title.
So today I just got back from my first laser hair removal appointment. OMG, does it hurt, but at least its done and over for the first treatment. My face is all red and puffy, but in a couple hours it shouldn't sting anymore. I have to go back Tuesday to get the spots that were missed. She even thinks i may need only 2 to 3 treatments... wouldn't that be nice! That would only be $1.2K total for laser plus whatever pesky hairs remain to be electrolisized.
I am going to have lunch soon with an old neighbor. She wants to talk about me so we will see how it goes!
So today I just got back from my first laser hair removal appointment. OMG, does it hurt, but at least its done and over for the first treatment. My face is all red and puffy, but in a couple hours it shouldn't sting anymore. I have to go back Tuesday to get the spots that were missed. She even thinks i may need only 2 to 3 treatments... wouldn't that be nice! That would only be $1.2K total for laser plus whatever pesky hairs remain to be electrolisized.
I am going to have lunch soon with an old neighbor. She wants to talk about me so we will see how it goes!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Tuesday
Well, hmm. My fucking grill was stolen today. pisses me off because i had to get dinner instead of making food i already had here. If only the person knew who they were stealing from... don't mess with us girls!
Lots of thoughts are going on in my head lately. My parents bought the same book i did, and i just finished writing to them about what places talk about my own experiences. It will be interesting to see what thety will write back. I just hope they understand a bit more, what i was thinking as i grew up. I just hope that the way i did it, was the best way i could have told them. You try to not play the "what if" game, but nonetheless it is still there in the back of your mind. You can only do the best you can, and focus on the choices you already made.
I have noticed that my outlook on life is slowly switching. I feel like i am starting to become more positive on things. Is that because I am accepting who i am and slowly becoming me? Is it because my parents are learning more about me? Does my new diet help me focus better?
My body is starting to change as well. the fat on my forearms is starting to build up. My veins do not stick out as much. my breasts are also starting to grow. no bra is necessary yet but another 1/2" i'll need to do something so no one at work will tell. I don't care if anyone notices on weekends or when i'm not at work. Strange isn't it? All my life i was focused on just fitting into the surroundings around me that now i don't care if people notice the real me coming out.
Lots of thoughts are going on in my head lately. My parents bought the same book i did, and i just finished writing to them about what places talk about my own experiences. It will be interesting to see what thety will write back. I just hope they understand a bit more, what i was thinking as i grew up. I just hope that the way i did it, was the best way i could have told them. You try to not play the "what if" game, but nonetheless it is still there in the back of your mind. You can only do the best you can, and focus on the choices you already made.
I have noticed that my outlook on life is slowly switching. I feel like i am starting to become more positive on things. Is that because I am accepting who i am and slowly becoming me? Is it because my parents are learning more about me? Does my new diet help me focus better?
My body is starting to change as well. the fat on my forearms is starting to build up. My veins do not stick out as much. my breasts are also starting to grow. no bra is necessary yet but another 1/2" i'll need to do something so no one at work will tell. I don't care if anyone notices on weekends or when i'm not at work. Strange isn't it? All my life i was focused on just fitting into the surroundings around me that now i don't care if people notice the real me coming out.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Weekend
I need to get back to writing every day because i forget so much of what goes through my mind during the week. Writing a journal is easy as remember events is not so hard but deep thoughts takes more concentration. Mental note: WRITE EVERY DAY!!
ok. so thursday i don't remember much.
Friday - I broke down finally and bought starcraft 2 and needed a new headset so write after paying off my credit card, bam, $110 down the drain... grrr. On top of that, the game kept making my computer spaz out, so i tried for 3 or 4 hours trying to figure out what was wrong. I got it fixed, the next day so beware! Sonia is going to start her domination over all those nerdy pimple faced kids! (yes, i can use this stereotype because i was one :P)
So saturday, i took some time with my hair, straightened it and tried to style it that was "emo" ish i guess. It didn't turn out that bad though, i was pretty happy with myself. Something i read was put some hairspray on your comb and comb your hair with it. Not only will it help stay in place, but it adds a little shine to your hair.
I also had my first time cuddling and having someone else sleep in my bed for romantic reasons. It felt sooo right to have someone hold you, and be with you. The world never made sense much before, but now pieces are slowly fitting into the puzzle of life!
ok. so thursday i don't remember much.
Friday - I broke down finally and bought starcraft 2 and needed a new headset so write after paying off my credit card, bam, $110 down the drain... grrr. On top of that, the game kept making my computer spaz out, so i tried for 3 or 4 hours trying to figure out what was wrong. I got it fixed, the next day so beware! Sonia is going to start her domination over all those nerdy pimple faced kids! (yes, i can use this stereotype because i was one :P)
So saturday, i took some time with my hair, straightened it and tried to style it that was "emo" ish i guess. It didn't turn out that bad though, i was pretty happy with myself. Something i read was put some hairspray on your comb and comb your hair with it. Not only will it help stay in place, but it adds a little shine to your hair.
I also had my first time cuddling and having someone else sleep in my bed for romantic reasons. It felt sooo right to have someone hold you, and be with you. The world never made sense much before, but now pieces are slowly fitting into the puzzle of life!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Wednesday
Saturday - Softball was a blast, went 3 for 4 for softball, showed those furries just how girls can hit! My fielding, needed some work though. I was trying to much to be a showoff and i didn't field any balls hit, between my legs and so they almost all got by me... blah. Everyone was super cool though, even though they didn't know how to say Sonia... i didn't think it was that hard to say! Benihanas food was great, the show was mediocre at best. I was pretty disappointed compared to some of the competitions i saw on TV. Perhaps i just had my expectations too high. Later on, was a birthday party/cookout at a buddies which had good food, good drinks and good atmosphere. Was almost a perfect day. There was my friend at the party which i thought i'd be able to spend more time with. I anticipated though, he went off with someone else to have fun, which made me feel lousy. I went home and cried until i fell asleep.
Sunday - This was an interesting day. A lot of things happened that was awesome to see. It was the very last day for Lou Pinella as he retired once the game was over. The announcement only came earlier that morning. It was a shock but what a memory to have! Also, the Braves CRUSHED the cubs and smacked them around. 16 runs, which was the most i've ever witnessed the Braves scoring. We also saw derek lee hit his first hit as a Brave, and was against his former team!
Monday - day wasn't too exciting. Evening, i was able to have a little fun by myself, and it felt wonderful. I wasn't able to do that for many weeks, and my roommate wasn't home so i was a bit noisy *blushes*.
Tuesday - I'm not sure how my roommate thinks. He bought a computer and ended up setting it up on the kitchen table planning on keeping it there. who the fuck does that? ARG!!! At least he is starting to turn off the lights before he leaves or goes to bed. Baby steps i guess... baby steps. I also cooked my first turkey breast! it came out pretty well i think, it was juicy and enough meet for 3 meals... om nom nom.
Wednesday - Friend of facebook made a new vid. I was planning on updating her anyway of how things were going. It helps to give kind of a better timeline for how things will develop with hormones. I understand each person is different, but I just want to have a decent range of time, although the endocrinologist will enlighten me as well (or if he doesn't i'll ask the appropriate questions). Also finished a book from an outside PhD Psychologist's point-of-view on transsexualism and how it affects various TS's and how the effect is different from person to person. There were some passages that hit exactly what i went through. I think i will send to mom next week as i don't want her to get it on her birthday.
Sunday - This was an interesting day. A lot of things happened that was awesome to see. It was the very last day for Lou Pinella as he retired once the game was over. The announcement only came earlier that morning. It was a shock but what a memory to have! Also, the Braves CRUSHED the cubs and smacked them around. 16 runs, which was the most i've ever witnessed the Braves scoring. We also saw derek lee hit his first hit as a Brave, and was against his former team!
Monday - day wasn't too exciting. Evening, i was able to have a little fun by myself, and it felt wonderful. I wasn't able to do that for many weeks, and my roommate wasn't home so i was a bit noisy *blushes*.
Tuesday - I'm not sure how my roommate thinks. He bought a computer and ended up setting it up on the kitchen table planning on keeping it there. who the fuck does that? ARG!!! At least he is starting to turn off the lights before he leaves or goes to bed. Baby steps i guess... baby steps. I also cooked my first turkey breast! it came out pretty well i think, it was juicy and enough meet for 3 meals... om nom nom.
Wednesday - Friend of facebook made a new vid. I was planning on updating her anyway of how things were going. It helps to give kind of a better timeline for how things will develop with hormones. I understand each person is different, but I just want to have a decent range of time, although the endocrinologist will enlighten me as well (or if he doesn't i'll ask the appropriate questions). Also finished a book from an outside PhD Psychologist's point-of-view on transsexualism and how it affects various TS's and how the effect is different from person to person. There were some passages that hit exactly what i went through. I think i will send to mom next week as i don't want her to get it on her birthday.
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