Friday

Woke up in the morning remembering a dream i was having. It was very bizarre. I was dreaming that I was attending a wedding in Bloomington, and it was supposed to be the typical church all my family goes to. Well, I noticed none of them were dressed in suits, instead they were all in every day clothes. Then the preacher was like the TV preachers and so i went back and asked my family if this was the right address. We then left the sermon and went downstairs where the father of the groom was waiting.

Then it skipped forward to one of the benches, and my grandfather was there. I vividly remember crying when i saw him, but I knew it was not him. As all dreams seem weird, i knew this was some guy shape shifting to look like my grandfather. This still did not stop me from crying.

Very strange... although it is comforting to know I can dream now and i like the randomness of them. It is a reminder how much we don't know about our own minds.

Work went well today. When i got home, i just felt all alone and i just wanted to cry. A friend who was supposed to go with me to get my ears pierced had something come up so it seems like I'll be going alone. Thankfully, a friend of mine was available to hang out with tonight, so it was nice to get out and socialize. We watched Salt which was a very good movie! Go watch!!

Thursday

So, I've started this new diet... and I'm really not one for diets unless there is scientific evidence it does what i need it to do. Supposedly, by good sources, a low glycemic diet will help someone if their body is resistant to insulin. Time will tell if this is going to work for me. Interestingly enough, today I have some of the most amount of concentration I have done in a long time, and i'm not even exhausted from it. Hopefully this keeps up as it feels good to concentrate when i need to.

Drafted a little Magic: The Gathering today. Went 3 & 1, w00t!

Yesterday, I had 2 panic attacks which were not fun and they were over the most rediculous things. I like storms... actually i like all of natures disaster stuff. The interesting thing is that yesterday morning, I work up 10 minutes before a storm came though. My mind started drifting off as it always does, wonder how nasty it will be. Well, the thought of tornadoes (which I LOVE) just sent me into a small panic attack which confused the heck out of me. Do i not like tornadoes anymore? Then when i was at work, something silly i was thinking about and bam, happened again for about 30 seconds. So bizarre. Perhaps it was the wierd dream where someone had psychic abilities like in Akira, caused a thrill-like nightmare beforehand.

I also went out to dinner with a group of friends during the evening yesterday. Had a good time as one was from out of town and was in the area for business. Unfortunately, it was costly for me as the only thing i could have on my new diet was steak.

Still have not set up an appointment with an endo yet. I'm gonna follow up again tomorrow with the dr office to see how things are going. I know i shouldn't be so pushy but its August now and i started therapy back in January. I guess i feel like i need to make up lost time... not trying to rush MY process, just want to get to someone who knows something!

Tuesday

This morning i had an interesting dream. The dream was about trying to catch a plane to hawaii and how confusing the airport was which i ended up not making the plane. But in the dream, i was able to reschedule for another flight through the maze-like airport and was able to make it to hawaii. For some reason, my family and I got into a hotel room that was 3 stories tall before we found out it was the wrong room and then we were in a room the size of a tent, lol. Such bizarre dreams i'm having.

Got an interesting message today from someone i have no ill feelings towards. I don't like making enemies, but sometimes people take things the wrong way even though I try my best not too.

A friend of mine finally got her name changed. I'm so happy for her! I don't know yet what my last name will be but i have a LOT of time to consider it.

Work was ok, a bit busy but that is always a good thing. Installed a UPS unit (without splitting my finger open. A story for another time) and kinda fucked up permissions with outlook, that took me 45 mins to figure out. Ahh well, such is life.

The epilator i bought said it can be used for arm pits, so i tried it on my left one. Probably not the most painful thing i've ever felt, but it did bring tears to my eyes. I hope it is worth the pain as i hate arm hair just as much as my facial hair.

Had another conversation with an old friend of mine. It was a little interesting that it didn't suprise him when i told him i was getting therapy and being able to have fake emotions. At least i wasn't the only one!

Monday

Had a strange dream. It's the first time i've had a reoccuring dream. My dream is that i never get to the appropriate high school class ontime, and i seem to go to the wrong classroom first. Each time i've had the dream (this is the 2nd or 3rd time) it is always a different class i enter first before trying to find the appropriate class room. It's bizzare but it just makes me get all stressed out until i wake up.

Besides that, did my normal 400 calorie workout and my work Monday was fairly easy (which just means i'll make up for it on a friday).

I did get a little suprise when i got home. Last week i talked about the video's a friend of mine linked. I messaged the girl and she got back to me today and wrote an entire essay of support. It made me so happy to get in touch with someone who is willing to offer support due to having similar family issues. I would have to ask her if i can link her youtube channel first, but for now it was just nice to know others around my age are available.

That's it for today!