This morning i felt great. got up, did my elliptical for 400 calories got ready for work. the day went decent at work, but sometime in the afternoon i just became all depressed. Just completely down and not really wanting to do much. It is something i notice i struggle with since starting the FDA approved t-blocker - Spiro (whereas before i was taking androcur as my t-blocker). I think it was triggered when i saw how much electrolysis costs and my dark facial hair clashes with my light skinned face knowing I'll have to go through the process. i worry if i have enough money reserved to go through with the entire process. I guess i won't know until i see what insurance will cover and what it won't.
A TS friend of mine finally got her boobs on Friday. She is in pain but is so happy. I want to be happy like her... i just struggle right now staying positive as I don't really have someone nearby i can talk to that is close to my age. I know it takes time, but yet my thoughts still do the "what if" game. What if my family wasn't religious, would i have found out sooner? What if i turn out to be a masculine woman, how much will facial surgery cost? What if I'm working out too much for my body to put fat where it needs to go? What if my parents were more accepting of my decision would i feel this depressed?
I am told it is not good to think this way but the thoughts are there no matter how hard you try to not linger on them.
I will have a busy weekend though safely in my own bedroom. My epilator came in today which will test my pain tolerance. I have been told it is pretty high but i still have my doubts. I also need to paint my toenails as i gave them a week off of having anything on them. I am thinking of finding a nice metallic red, something slightly dark since my skin is rather pale.
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