The one thing you don't know when you have a dilemma in your life, is how strong your friendships are with people you befriended before you come out. Case and point was last night I sent people i felt comfortable with, links to my blog. A friend of mine I've known for 10 years now has taken his own time to research what I am going through. He knows of the issues i face both with friends, family and with work and sent me a link this morning to a video of another TS who has transitioned but her family still does not accept her.
Friendship can be something as simple as someone who doesn't understand what you are going through, but takes their own time to try to research and understand to help any way possible. I have to be grateful for having befriended someone like him as I was not expecting little things like that.
I had a dream last night, and after starting hormones my dreams have gotten more vivid, and i haven't dreamt as much as i have the last month in my entire life and it feels really awesome even though I've already had a nightmare, while the others have just been strange. The dream i had last night wasn't me as a girl, but it was me transitioning, the way i am now. For some reason I parked my car, went to a restaurant to eat, came back out with friends & family and my car was missing. We walked along the bank of a stream that was next to the building and my car was submerged in the stream just below the foot rests. I was able to safely start my car, and drive it out of the stream to my parents place as i am now. It almost felt like i thought of myself as Sonia but i can't be certain.
I think i understood what happened to me yesterday. I am starting to develop mood swings, which is something i haven't experienced before nor do i know how to control them yet. An example is this morning i was sad for no reason. After watching the video my friend sent me, i cried again... not from the material in the movie (but i was glad i did see it) but because of how much my friend must care for me. It wasn't a long cry, but 5 minutes or so and it actually felt really good just to let it out.
Tomorrow may be a big day. Hopefully my hormones arrive, I have my psychiatrist appointment and my PCP should get back to me on how my referral to a more specialized clinic is going.
your dream:
ReplyDelete*maybe* the car represented you. the water line was the delineation between male and female. (submerged just below the foot rests)
Seems like in the dream, you got insecure and chose male rather than female. (you started the car and drove to your parents)
just my thoughts. I could totally be off.